Updated: Jun 2
Yesterday, I deleted Hinge. For those of you who have no idea what Hinge is, congratulations. Must feel great not to need a dating app. For those of you that do know what it is and perhaps have given it a go yourself, you'll understand what I mean when I say there are only so many half naked selfies in dirty gym mirrors a girl can take, not to mention the 'Where's Wally?' profiles where they are hiding amongst their mates in every photo, in the hope that you'll mistake them for someone else. We all have our limits, and I have well and truly reached mine.
My reason for deleting the app is pretty simple: it was really starting to piss me off. We are asked to do plenty of things at work that induce unnecessary frustration, I'm not looking for that in my personal life too. As it has so famously been said, ain't no one got time for that.
I've always had a dysfunctional relationship with dating and I've never particularly enjoyed the whole experience. If I am honest, of all the dates I've ever been on, I've only really wanted to go on 4 or 5 of them. When you consider I've been dating for four years now and the total number of dates I've been on are definitely in the 20s, that's a pretty low percentage. If Harry Styles, Ryan Gosling or Tom Hardy would hurry up and ask me out, then we could easily get that number up to at least 7 or 8. Call me, huns.
So, why have I even bothered dating if I don't enjoy it? Simple: singleton shame. I'm surprised no one is following me around ringing a bell and shouting the word sometimes as I parade through the streets. I can happily chuckle along with the jokes about how I'll die alone surrounded by my pack of dogs (my idea of heaven, actually), but it's the look of sheer horror on people's faces when I reveal I'm single, as if I've just revealed I have the bubonic plague and fancy a hug. There are only so many times you can smile through gritted teeth each time the topic comes up and you get the same old reaction. So, to shut people up, I've shamefully participated in online dating on more than one occasion.
This time, after approximately my 245th sigh and my 389th 'for god's sake' under my breath, I realised maybe I wasn't committed to this dating malarkey. I knew that I was only doing it to please everyone else and to make myself appear 'wanted' by at least someone. Tragic, really. I think I was also seduced into that delightful game where you stop seeing someone and you feel like it's a race to see who can move on first. But, I have realised that's not a game I fancy playing. Yes, it's crap that he's still dating, but there is bugger all I can do about it. Instead, I'll opt for blasting out irreplaceable at every given opportunity and turn my beyonce inspired sass up to 110.
Too many times I've forced myself to date because others have told me to and it has been a complete and utter waste of my time. Think about all the episodes of friends I could have watched in that space of time?! That's the real tragedy here, let's face it. Also, I've found I get very frustrated at myself for not doing what I want to do. Recently, I couldn't help but notice this frustration was rearing it's ugly head far too often for my liking, hence why Hinge got the chop.
People might find this slightly self centred, but my biggest objective right now is to love myself as much as Kanye loves Kanye. I want to be the very best version of myself in every possible sense (although when I say that, don't expect a cracking summer bod because I can't resist a pizza and that will never change). Taking care of myself right now is far more important to me than making small talk with a total stranger I often don't even fancy in the flesh, especially when they have the audacity to not even bring a dog on the date with them!
I'm not suggesting that I will never date again, I just don't think spending my time swiping through endless profiles to please others isn't benefiting me right now. Plus, dating takes a lot of time and effort and with Game of Thrones back on our screens, I really do have bigger priorities right now.