8 ways colleagues and managers have created a safe mental health space for me and others
- Soph Beresford
- Oct 10, 2024
- 8 min read
Today is World Mental Health Day and this year's theme is prioritising mental health in the workplace.
It is estimated that the average Brit will spend over 84,000 hours at work during the course of their career. To put that into perspective, that's nine and half years of your life. That's a lot of time, right?
I know that might not seem like the most positive opening paragraph to a blog that intends to inspire positive action, but I think it's important to recognise just how much time we spend at work - and how much of an impact we can have as colleagues and managers on other people's lives, too.
I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder at the age of 17 and their beloved ally, depression, officially joined forces with them about 7 years later. This means I've been living with a mental health condition since I started my professional career.
I've experienced and witnessed all sorts of treatment over the years as someone who struggles with their mental health - some exemplary and some, quite frankly, shameful. Regardless of whether you're an employee or a manager, I believe we all have a responsibility to create a workplace that is safe for everyone - for those who are struggling their mental health and those who are not. After all, we all have mental heath so creating a supportive work environment benefits us all.
Read on to find out more about the best things colleagues and managers I've worked with have done to help create a workplace that prioritises mental health. Although I've split the tips into two different groups, it goes without saying that managers are colleagues too....
Advice for colleagues wanting to create a safe mental health space at work
1) Practise complete confidentiality People can feel very uncomfortable talking about their mental health in general, let alone at work. Even if you feel comfortable talking about your own emotions and feelings, you shouldn't presume people feel the same when being asked to talk about theirs. If someone has trusted you enough to share what challenges and struggles they're facing, honour that trust. By practising confidentiality, you help create a trusting environment for people to gain the confidence and reassurance they need to open up.
Adding to that, if you really want to be a colleague someone can confide in, it's important you to do not engage in gossip that centres on someone's mental health struggles. People are very unlikely to share what's going on with them if they heard you sharing someone else's struggles the week before.
2) Don't put people on the spot It can be tempting to ask someone how they're doing when you're with them in person or you're on a one-to-one call. And for some people, this might be okay. However, some people use work as an escape and a distraction so may not appreciate being asked about their emotional wellbeing out of the blue - especially if it's clear they've been struggling.
It is important to let colleagues know you're there for them so if you do want to reach out, perhaps a text message would land better in the first instance. This gives the person time to respond in their own time and think about what they would like to or not like to share. Either way, it's on their own terms. It might also give them the space to consider opening up to you whereas if they're asked face-to-face, they may be so used to shutting down questions regarding how they are that this is the approach they take out of habit.
3) Respect people's boundaries Boundary setting can be very difficult, especially for those who are natural people pleasers. As a former people pleaser myself - something that is common amongst people who suffer with anxiety or depression - implementing boundaries has been one of the most empowering things I've ever done. That's why I encourage everyone to do the same - and ask others to support them in upholding them.
However, there are sadly a few occasions where I've seen people's boundaries being disrespected or challenged in the workplace. Whether it's someone saying they don't want to come out for post-work drinks because they're trying to avoid alcohol and being told their 'boring', or giving extra work to colleagues who have already expressed the need for a better work life balance, ignoring someone's boundaries can have a detrimental impact on their ability to manage their wellbeing.
For me, for example, ensuring work doesn't impact on my ability to exercise is hugely important to me. I feel no need to justify why I am spending an hour of my lunch going to the gym and why I am carving that time out in my diary. It is one of the things that helps manage my mental health and it is non-negotiable. If a spontaneous lunch time social gathering was therefore suggested or a non-urgent call was put in my diary and I declined because I had already allocated time for exercise, I would expect my boundaries to be respected. After all, social events should be optional and I think there is a growing need for people to understand what 'urgent' means in the workplace (all tea, no shade, as RuPaul and her queens would say)
4) Be open about your own feelings and emotions When I talk about feelings and emotions, people often presume I mean coming together in some sort of campfire style setting to unearth our deepest, darkest struggles or secrets. They also think that I'm asking them to share harrowing personal experience. I can confirm I'm not suggesting either of these approaches.
What I'm actually suggesting is that it's important to express some sort of emotion. So if something has frustrated or angered you, it's okay to say that. If you're excited or happy about something, it's okay to express that too. People regularly presume when we talk about emotions, we mean sadness. But there are a whole spectrum of emotions that we experience as human beings - good and bad. To be blunt, if you act like a consistently unphased, emotionless robot, it's unlikely someone is going to feel able to be vulnerable around you. This is especially important for managers, in my experience. People you work with or manage are likely to feel like you're going to judge them or label them as weak for experiencing any emotions if you appear as though you don't experience any yourself.
If you want to create an accepting and inclusive culture at your place of work where people feel able to talk about their mental health, you need to be able to talk about your emotions and feelings to some degree too.
Advice for managers wanting to create a safe mental health space at work
5) Carve out time for informal chats
It might feel like you're talking to those you line manage on a regular basis, and you probably are. But how much of that time is spent getting to know them as a person and just having a informal chat about anything at all?
If you don't make an effort to build a rapport with those you manage, they're unlikely to let you know when they're struggling. That's why it's important to build a relationship with them beyond work updates and catch up calls.
6) Actively listen
I think when anyone mentions they're struggling with their mental health, quite a few managers go into panic mode. They don't want to get it wrong and end up on a call with HR. I understand that it can be difficult to know what to do, especially if you've never struggled yourself. However, a lot of it really does come down to basic empathy.
This panic means that some managers seem to go through some sort of checklist with no regard for the individual person in front of them.
I will never forget how reassuring and comforting it was when I was listened to by a manager for the first time. Rather than being told I needed to take time off or that projects I was working on would be taken from me to lighten the load, I was asked what I needed. Being signed off work is something I know wouldn't work for me. Work was keeping me going and I didn't need anyone to take that away from me at a time when I was desperately trying to cling to some form of normalisation in my day to day life at a time when things were far from normal for me psychologically.
Being asked what I needed rather than told, as well as being reassured that I was able to revisit and re-evaluate my needs as often as I needed to, was one of the best things anyone did for me during a really difficult time.
You have the opportunity to make someone's already difficult life better or worse. Working with them to find ways to help them is one way you can make it better.
7) Be truly supportive
We still seem to have some sort of societal obsession with the idea that leaders have to be cold, stoic individuals. But if you want to be a memorable and effective leader, you have to learn to be vulnerable. Let me use my own experience as an example.
I have sadly struggled with a few mental health crises in my life and managers have chosen to deal with this in different ways. I'm going to present to you two scenarios and I'll let you decide which was more effective (and which manager ended up being the person I, and others, try and mirror throughout our careers and the manager I am no longer in touch with)
When I told manager one that I was desperately struggling with my mental health and that I had been seeking extra support from my GP, I was thanked for sharing what I was going through, told to let them know how I was getting on when I heard more and then asked if I could provide an update about what I'm working on.
When I told manager two that I was experiencing a mental health crisis, I was thanked for my honesty and asked if there was anything they could do to support me. It was then revealed they had struggled with their mental health in the past themselves so even though they didn't understand what I was going through, they wanted me to know they weren't there to judge me but to support me and protect me from any work-related stresses.
In my opinion (and it's a strong one), if you're not prepared to care for those you manage on a personal level, you should consider whether you should be a manager at all. No one is asking you to be a fully qualified counsellor or to have a mental health experience to share yourself, but the very least you can do is acknowledge someone is struggling and do all you can to support them like any decent human being would. After all, we never know when we might need someone to do the same for us.
8) Be flexible and support your colleagues needs
Struggling with your mental health or wellbeing can be an unpredictable journey. The one way in which you can support someone you manage through this is to reassure them that you're flexible when it comes to meeting their needs. For example, one day they might feel able to join every meeting and actively contribute to discussions. The next, they may not feel able to speak to see or speak to anyone and may need someone to step into meetings on their behalf.
It is important to make it clear from the outset that their needs are important to you and that you are there to help them get back to the best version of themselves - no matter how long that takes. I can tell you from first hand experience that feeling as though you're not under pressure to recover or heal from whatever you're going through can really help you to feel truly supported at a time when you're desperately looking for it. I can also tell you that offering that level of flexibility and support is something the person you line manage won't forget.
I appreciate it can feel overwhelming to try and do your part to influence positive change - especially when you're given eight suggestions like I've done! That's why I encourage you to remember just one - maybe two if you're feeling extra ambitious - and make a commitment to implement it as of today. If we all do a little, our efforts will accumulate to a lot. Together, we'll help to create a better workplace for everyone.
The suggestions I've shared above are just a few ideas I've collated from my own personal experience. You may have a few ideas of your own and I invite you to share them in the comment box.
For more mental health tips and advice - and the occasionally silly reel - follow my Instagram page.
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