I was reluctant to get help for my mental health too. Here's why I'm glad I did.

Talking about your mental health, especially when you've never done it before, can be scary. It is the fear of the unknown. You don't know what to expect, you don't know how someone will react and you don't know if you're going to end up with a diagnosis that leaves you with more questions than answers.

I get it because I felt exactly the same way.

I thought admitting I was struggling with my mental health was a weakness. I thought people's perception of me as a 'strong' person would be shattered. I thought I'd be letting myself and my family down by asking for help and acknowledging there was an issue.

And to be honest, I was scared. I didn't know what talking or a diagnosis would uncover and I feared it would make things worse.

If any of that sounds familiar, I've written this blog for World Mental Health Day because I want to help you.

I want to help you see that opening up about what you're going through could be the first step towards a much more fulfilling life - a life you deserve.

What changed my mind

I got to a point with my mental health where something had to give. It was heavily impacting my every day life: I was exhausted from daily panic attacks and the disassociation that comes with them; I was sick of having no control over the intrusive thoughts that I believed would kill me one day. I just wanted so desperately to feel happy again. I wanted to laugh and smile and truly mean it.

But to do this, I realised I had to be really honest with myself. I had to acknowledge that my coping mechanisms to date - which mainly consisted of being so busy I had no time to think and spending as little time on my own as possible - weren't working.

It also wasn't sustainable. I needed something that would reduce the misery and intense anxiety I was feeling on a daily basis for good.

To put it bluntly, I realised that if I wanted things to change, something had to change. The solution wasn't just going to land in my lap: I had to go and find it.

Getting help for your mental health

Opening up for the first time

I started by identifying someone I knew wouldn't judge me for what I was going through - someone I know loves me unconditionally. Of course, I'm talking about my mum. If talking to someone you know feels too much right now, there are lots of mental health forums - like MIND and SANE- where you can share what you're going through completely anonymously. There is no reason why that can't count as your first step to opening up, too.

Accessing therapy for the first time

I refused therapy for years before agreeing to my first session. Why? To be completely transparent, it's because I didn't want to cry. I believed crying was a weakness. I was also scared it would drag up truths and past events that I didn't want to face or make me feel worse. I can tell you now that like most things we are fearful of, it was nowhere near as scary as it seems. One thing that really helped me gain my confidence when embarking on the first couple of sessions was having a friend who came with me for extra support. Seeing a friendly face before the session, and knowing they'd be there after, helped me figuratively and literally get my foot over the threshold. It's important to remember that the person sat across from you (whether that be physically or even virtually these days) wants to help you. They're not going to judge you and they're certainly not going to open old wounds and then leave you to figure it out on your own. They're on your side. If you're able to, schedule in a call with your chosen or allocated therapist ahead of your first session so you can share your concerns with them. That might not only help break the ice a little but it will give you a feel for if they're the right fit for you.

Speaking to your GP for the first time

Going to speak to my GP for the first time, especially when I was diagonsed with depression, was terrifying. But I cannot stress enough how happy I am that I went, despite my initial fear. Having my experience validated by a diagnosis reassured me that I was alone in what I was experiencing and gave me hope that things could get better. It also reassured me that there were options out there that could bring my daily misery to an end. I didn't have that reassurance or knowledge before the appointment. If you're really worried about going to see a GP, perhaps try to get booked in with a GP you trust or see on a regular basis, if possible.

If I hadn't reached out for support, I don't know what would have happened. I hate to think what would have happened, in fact.

All I know is I was exhausted and losing hope. I also know that getting help has enabled me to go from a dispirited person who was living a life that was dominated by anxious, depressive and intrusive thoughts to someone who is truly happy and able to manage their emotions and thoughts with more confidence. I never thought I'd get here, but feeding off the support that was available to me, even if it involved a little research at times, helped make it happen.

I hope this blog has inspired you to not to get overwhelmed by the end goal that seems so far away or distracted by the 'what ifs'. Just consider taking one small step forward for now. The rest will come in time.

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